# Money and family > Before you say yes to a relative's request, work out what you can give without going short, agree it with your partner, and decide whether it's a gift or a loan. With children, talk about money openly, let them see you handle it, and give them small chances to practise. Not reviewed yet: test content. - **Start with what you can spare:** work out what you could give a relative without going short yourselves. - **Reply together:** agree your answer with your partner before you say anything to the relative. - **Gift or loan?** Decide before any money moves, and put loans in writing. - **Children learn by watching and talking:** let them see how you handle money and chat about it in simple, regular ways. - **Pocket money has no single right way:** weekly or linked to jobs, you two choose. ## How do you handle money requests from family? Work out what you can give without going short, and agree it with your partner before you reply. Helping family is a lovely thing to do, but giving too much can leave you short yourselves [1]. So start with your own numbers: income, bills and savings goals [1], plus how much you'd want in an emergency fund if either of your jobs came under pressure [2]. Never lend more than you can afford to lose, and don't put money you need for essentials, such as school fees or a mortgage, at risk [2]. Then talk to each other first. If a loan is never repaid, a partner who wasn't consulted may end up resentful [2]. Reply as "we", not as the one who said yes in the doorway. Decide where your line is, too, because lending to one relative can bring requests from others who are hard up [2]. Before any money moves, say whether it's a gift or a loan [2]. Money given between family members is generally treated as a gift unless there's strong evidence it was a loan, and without a written agreement that can be very hard to prove [3]. For a loan, write down the names, the amount, the term, the repayments and any interest, and both sign [2][3]. Pay by bank transfer and keep the statements; avoid cash unless you get a written receipt [3]. > **Try this together:** Take ten minutes this week to each write down what you'd happily give a relative without going short, and where your line is for the next person who asks. Compare notes and agree one answer you can both stand behind. ## How do you teach children about money? Talk about money with them, and let them see you handle it. Talking with parents seems to be the main deliberate way children learn about money, and they watch and often copy everyday habits such as paying bills and buying groceries [4]. So narrate a little: "We're choosing the cheaper pasta this week because we're saving for the trip." You don't need to be an expert. Simple, regular conversations, pitched at your child's age, help them see where money comes from, where it goes and how to use it wisely [5]. Showing them how much comes in and how it's used for food, bills, transport and savings helps them understand the cost of living and why planning ahead matters [5]. Hands-on practice counts too [4]. Letting children spend small amounts, say on a snack or a toy, helps them learn to choose, see what money is worth and take responsibility for their spending, though it can also lead to wasteful habits [6]. Piggy banks suit younger children because they can watch their money grow, and you can help a child save for something they really want [5]. Pocket money has upsides and downsides. It can help children understand the effort behind earning, build decision-making and discipline, and grow independence, but it can also encourage wasteful habits and dependence on parents [6]. Some parents pay it weekly and others link it to jobs around the house; there's no right or wrong approach [5]. Pick one together and tell your children how it works. If your family likes the idea, you can also talk about giving: how donations help others, and how giving sits alongside spending and saving [5]. ## When to get more help For a large loan, or one that involves your home, ask a qualified financial counsellor or legal adviser before you commit. This is general information, not financial advice: for decisions about your own situation, talk to a qualified financial adviser or a free financial counselling service. ## Common questions ### Should pocket money be linked to chores? Either way works. Some families pay it weekly, others link it to jobs around the house, and there's no right or wrong approach. What matters most is that you two agree, explain to your children how it works, and keep it steady. Allowances can help children understand effort and practise making choices. ### What if my partner and I disagree about helping a relative? Pause before replying; nobody needs an answer on the spot. Start with what you could both afford to give without going short, and where each of you would draw the line. A smaller gift, or a written loan you both sign, may be a middle path. Agreeing first means you reply as a team. ## Sources 1. Dealing with family pressure about money. Moneysmart https://moneysmart.gov.au/supporting-first-nations-people-with-money-matters/dealing-with-family-pressure-about-money 2. How to Loan a Loved One Money Without Drama. arc.unsw.edu.au https://www.arc.unsw.edu.au/wellness/financial-wellness-mm/how-to-loan-a-loved-one-money-without-drama 3. Gifts and private loans. NSW Government https://www.legalaid.nsw.gov.au/my-problem-is-about/my-money/types-of-debts/gifts-and-private-loans 4. Financial Socialization: A Decade in Review. LeBaron and Kelley · Journal of Family and Economic Issues · 2021 https://doi.org/10.1007/s10834-020-09736-2 5. Teaching kids about money. Moneysmart https://moneysmart.gov.au/family-and-relationships/teaching-kids-about-money 6. The Role of Parents in Forming Children's Financial Literacy from an Early Age. Sidiq, Ibrahim and Pirdaus · International Journal of Ethno-Sciences and Education Research · 2024 https://doi.org/10.46336/ijeer.v4i3.709 Source: https://coupletools.com/learn/money-and-family