# Parenting a child with additional needs > Partners raising a child with additional needs tend to support each other through honest talk without judgement, by accepting that you may cope differently, and by sharing the load. Beyond the two of you, other parents, online forums and short breaks can help. Local options differ, so ask what's available near you. Not reviewed yet: test content. - **Honest talk and shared responsibility matter:** these are what couples raising a child with autism describe as keeping their relationship satisfying. - **You may cope differently,** and acknowledging a feeling before moving to solutions can help. - **Look at who does what,** and build tasks into the daily routine rather than reminding or nagging. - **Other parents can be a real source of support,** in person or online. - **Short breaks and respite exist,** though availability and rules differ by area and country. ## How do parents of a child with additional needs support each other? Mostly through honest talk and by sharing the parenting between you. In couples raising a child with autism, two things stood out as keeping the relationship satisfying: open, honest communication, including working through conflict, and a strong partnership built on sharing parenting responsibilities [1]. Guidance for couples raising a disabled child puts communication at the centre. Take time to talk about feelings, thoughts, concerns, hopes and needs. Listen to understand, and try not to judge when your partner shares how they feel [2]. You may also cope differently. One of you may focus on the problem and look for solutions, while the other focuses on feeling better about the situation, so acknowledging the feeling first can help [2]. Look at who does what. On average, mothers often take on the main responsibility for a child's physical and home care, and this has been linked with a risk of maternal overload [2][3]. That may not describe you, so look at your own week together. If there's conflict over tasks, guidance suggests making them part of everyone's daily routine, adults and children, rather than nagging [2]. When blame creeps in, name it and remind each other that you're in this together [2]. This is worth the effort. Among parents of children with disabilities, higher parenting stress tends to go with lower marital quality, and stress from parenting can spill over into the couple relationship [4]. That is a link, not proof of cause, and it isn't yet clear which way it runs [4]. > **Try this together:** Set aside 10 minutes this week. Each of you says one thing that feels heavy right now and one thing you're hoping for, while the other listens without trying to fix it. Then choose one task that has been a source of friction and agree how to build it into the daily routine for everyone. ## Where can parents of a child with disability get support? Other parents and short breaks from caring are good places to start. Family caregivers of children with special health care needs use groups of parents whose children have similar needs, online parent forums, financial help and respite (temporary) care [3]. Many conditions that affect children have a national support group, usually run by parents. If there isn't one for your child's condition, there is often a local group for parents of children with any kind of disability [2]. It can be reassuring to talk to parents whose children have the same condition, and many organisations offer online forums or message boards, which may suit you if getting out is hard [5]. Parents describe peer support as giving them a shared identity, a chance to learn from others, personal growth and a way to support others [6]. How much it measurably changes outcomes is less clear, because the quantitative results are inconsistent [6]. Respite is valued as a chance to take a break and look after your own needs or those of your other children, though availability can be limited [3]. Local councils may offer short breaks run by outside organisations, from a couple of hours to overnight, based on your family's needs [7]. Ask your local council or health services what is offered and how it is assessed, as the details differ by area and country. If you get a break, you might use some of it for time together as a couple. ## Common questions ### How can we keep time for each other as a couple when our child needs so much care? Start small and regular rather than waiting for a big block of time. A short daily check-in, even 10 minutes after bedtime, can keep you in touch with each other. If you have access to a break or respite, you could put part of it aside for the two of you, and agree in advance who is doing what. ### How do we share caregiving fairly when one of us works more hours? Count everything, not just paid work: appointments, phone calls, forms, night care and the thinking ahead. Then talk through the week together and divide whole jobs, so the split reflects the full picture. Expect to revisit it when work, health or your child's needs change. Fair doesn't have to mean identical. ### How do we ask family and friends for practical help? Be specific. "Could you take them to the park on Saturday morning?" is easier to say yes to than "let us know if we can help." Agree between you what you'd most like help with, and who will ask. People often want to help but don't know what would be useful, so a clear request can be a kindness. ## Sources 1. Viewpoints on what is important to maintain relationship satisfaction in couples raising a child with autism spectrum disorder. research-repository.uwa.edu.au https://research-repository.uwa.edu.au/en/publications/viewpoints-on-what-is-important-to-maintain-relationship-satisfac/ 2. Relationships & caring for a disabled child. api.warwickshire.gov.uk https://api.warwickshire.gov.uk/documents/WCCC-829341009-471 3. Social support for family caregivers of children and youth with special health care needs for home care: a scoping review. Sulino-Gonçalves and others · Revista Da Escola de Enfermagem Da U S P · 2025 https://doi.org/10.1590/1980-220x-reeusp-2024-0368en 4. Does parenting stress affect marital quality among parents of children with disabilities? Evidence from a meta-analysis. Liu and others · Research in Developmental Disabilities · 2026 https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ridd.2026.105329 5. How to care for children with complex needs - Social care and support guide. NHS https://www.nhs.uk/social-care-and-support/caring-for-children-and-young-people/how-to-care-for-children-with-complex-needs/ 6. Peer support for parents of children with chronic disabling conditions: a systematic review of quantitative and qualitative studies. Shilling and others · Developmental Medicine and Child Neurology · 2013 https://doi.org/10.1111/dmcn.12091 7. Support for children with disabilities. stirling.gov.uk · 2026 https://www.stirling.gov.uk/social-work-social-care-and-health/children-and-families/support-for-children-with-disabilities/ Source: https://coupletools.com/learn/parenting-a-child-with-additional-needs