When your partner is in crisis

Ask them directly whether they're thinking about suicide, then listen, take what they say seriously and stay with them. Any talk of suicide should be taken seriously. Asking plainly doesn't put the idea in their head^1,2, and if they are having those thoughts, it may be a relief to have someone to talk to². Asking also shows you care and gives them a safe space to speak³.

Here is what to do, in order:

• Ask calmly and plainly: "Are you thinking about suicide?" It isn't an easy question, but it can start the conversation¹.
• Listen without judging. You don't need to solve their problems. Active listening, compassion and patience are the foundation of good support⁴.
• Tell them you care and will support them, and take what they say seriously³.
• Ask whether they have a plan. A specific plan means they need help right away, so don't wait to see whether things settle⁵.
• Stay with them rather than leaving them alone, especially if they have a specific plan³.

You aren't meant to be their only support. Help from a partner, friends or family isn't a substitute for suicide-specific help from trained mental health professionals, and a doctor is a good starting point^4,6.

Look after yourself too, because supporting someone in crisis can take a toll. If you aren't sleeping, or you're feeling suicidal yourself, talk to your healthcare provider or a more formal counselling service².

Act straight away if your partner tells you they want to die or kill themselves, hurts themselves, or gets hold of things they could use to hurt themselves^2,5. Don't wait for anything more. Ask them directly, and get help.

Other signs are worth taking seriously, especially in combination:

• Talk about death: becoming obsessed with death, or reading or writing about suicide online². Saying they "can't do this anymore" or "can't go on for much longer", or making arrangements for others to look after family members or pets⁷.
• Feelings: hopelessness, feeling worthless or trapped, or seeming restless, agitated, angry or tearful^3,8.
• Behaviour: pulling away from family and friends, not replying to messages, no longer wanting to do things they usually enjoy, using alcohol or drugs to cope, or taking risks^2,3.

Signs matter most when they are new, have increased, or follow a painful event, loss or change⁹.

A list can't tell you for certain. Sometimes there are no warning signs at all³, and the ability to predict suicide from risk factors hasn't improved over decades of research¹⁰. So use these signs as a prompt to ask, not as a test your partner has to pass. If you're worried, ask whether they're okay, and ask directly about suicide.