Financial abuse

Financial abuse, also called economic abuse, is a form of intimate partner or family violence in which one partner controls the other's ability to get, use and keep money or other resources¹. It is often part of coercive control: an ongoing, repeated pattern of behaviour that hurts, scares or isolates someone in order to control them². It can happen with no physical violence at all³.

In plain terms, financial abuse means controlling a partner's access to money, for example by withholding it, running up debt in their name, stopping them from working, or demanding to see every purchase. It can also mean manipulating someone's financial decisions or using their money without their consent⁴. Other examples include:

• Stopping you from using, accessing or keeping money, whether it's your own earnings or shared household funds, or preventing you from having a job or income so that you depend on them⁵.
• Giving you a small allowance and strictly monitoring what you spend, or not allowing an adult to have a bank account².
• Demanding that you show how every cent is spent, or organising loans and credit cards in your name⁶.
• Spending shared money without your knowledge or approval, for example on gambling⁵.

Economic abuse can leave a person financially dependent on the abuser or economically unstable, which limits their ability to escape and reach safety⁷.

The difference is pattern and power, not how much you argue. Ongoing abuse is a pattern of behaviour that makes you feel scared and is aimed at controlling you⁶. One controlling act can look unremarkable on its own; it's the repeated acts over time that add up to control⁸.

Money arrangements themselves aren't the problem. Sharing finances, or having one person mainly handle money matters, can be healthy if it works for both of you. It becomes financial abuse when one person's control of money limits the other's independence and decision-making⁵. A shared, agreed budget where both partners have a say is different from a set allowance with closely tracked spending⁵. However you split your money, both of you should be able to see and get into the accounts the household depends on.

Some questions to ask yourself:

• Can I talk about money without being afraid?
• Do I have a say in decisions?
• Can I get to money when I need it?

Signs include feeling trapped because you can't access your money to leave, being put into too much debt by the other person, and feeling unable to make decisions about your own money⁹. Other red flags: no access to an account you should have, an account or debt in your name that you didn't know about, or not knowing your own details, such as a PIN. Take these seriously even if they look like a money dispute.

Being afraid of a partner, or being hurt, threatened, watched or controlled by them, isn't a normal relationship problem or a communication issue. It's abuse, and confidential support is available.